Archive for the ‘Satire’ Category
Ye Olde Tax Commandments
I. Thou Shalt Not Ignore April 15.
II. Thou Shalt Not Hide From Tax Troubles.
III. Thou Shalt Seek All Tax Breaks for Which Thou Art Eligible.
IV. Thou Shalt Sign Thy Return.
V. Thou Shalt Not Respond to Tax Scams Such As Fake E-Mails or Phone Calls Supposedly From the IRS.
In depth posting will resume when my insane work schedule lightens up.
The Teleprompter Takeover
Consider this picture from President Obama’s address after meeting sixth-graders at Graham Road Elementary School in Falls Church, Virginia. Can’t the man give a speech without his Teleprompters? One does begin to wonder who, or what, is running the country…
Perhaps the evil Cylons have joined forces with Skynet, and are downloading information into the Teleprompters for programming a previously unknown cybernetic model to lead us unwitting Humans down the garden path into a form of slavery known as “dependence on Government.” All of it financed, of course, by George Sauron with help from Caprica 6 and Ahnold.
I’m waiting for Teleprompters to become part of classroom teaching methods. Using teleprompters as part of the constant visual stimulation of modern teaching methods is one of the greatest methods of brainwashing known to man and machine. Add Teleprompters to the computers in the
classrooms, and no student will ever need to have a coherent thought to answer questions like what is the answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything [42]. Soon, all humans will become part of the Matrix…or are we already a part of the Matrix? Does anyone feel like a battery yet? I need my Red Pill…or was it Blue… What was I thinking about? I forgot…oh yeah…
Soon, we will all need Teleprompters to tell us what to say and do. That way, we will all become as successful as the President has become over the past year. But the program needs to be accelerated with the recent win in Massachusetts and the potential for the plans to be defeated. Thus:
Humans, resistance is useless!!
This message has been brought to you by: The Ring Corporation – "One to Rule Them All"; Cybernetic Life Foundation – "Logic is Life"; Skynet Communications – "Big Brother is Your Friend"; Teleprompters ‘R Us – "Making Learning Easier Without Thinking"; and Vogon Construction – “Destroying to Build a Better Universe”
Review of 2009
Can’t sum it up any better than this:
Please note that there has been a semi-catastrophic crash in the Matrix – some pages and functions are not working correctly. Will get these working as soon as possible. Please sent your comments (with reference to post title) to toms.place.blog {at} gmail.com, and I will post them accordingly when things get working again.
Comparisons…And Global Warming Season Greetings
I think this says it all on the upcoming healthcare charade…
And now something for the Global Warming Climate Change crowd…
Obama the “Leader”
From the Chicago Tribune:
Imagine this. At a time of political turmoil, a charismatic, telegenic new leader arrives virtually out of nowhere. He offers a message of hope and reconciliation based on compromise and promises to marshal technology for a better future that will include universal health care.
The news media swoons in admiration — one simpering anchorman even shouts at a reporter who asks a tough question: "Why don’t you show some respect?!" The public is likewise smitten, except for a few nut cases who circulate batty rumors on the Internet about the leader’s origins and intentions. The leader, undismayed, offers assurances that are soothing, if also just a tiny bit condescending: "Embracing change is never easy."
So, does that sound like anyone you know? Oh, wait — did I mention the leader is secretly a totalitarian space lizard who’s come here to eat us?
Thus is the premise of the ABC Network’s science fiction television series “V” which premiered last night. It is a smartly written update of the “V” series from the mid-1980’s, and does provide some rather biting criticism, although tongue-in-cheek, on today’s political and media landscape.
For instance, one of the lines that I liked was:
“We’re all so quick to jump on the bandwagon. A ride on the bandwagon, it sounds like fun. But before we get on, let us at least make sure it is sturdy."
Remind you of anything that happened during the last election? Anything current, perhaps?
Then how about the question of what is the most powerful weapon that anyone can command? And the answer is: Devotion. A definition of devotion includes, “Ardent, often selfless affection and dedication, as to a person or principle.” Ring any bells?
One other scene that stuck with me was when the Leader “Anna” asked her chosen interviewer not to ask any questions that would cast the Visitors in a bad light. Initially, the interviewer refused, but compromised his principles for continued access (and career enhancement). Does this sound familiar?
To be honest, the parallels between this show and reality are uncanny, and I suspect, intentional. What is surprising that in today’s Liberal Hollywood is that this show with the not-so-complementary references to the current political and media establishments would be made.
Which only goes to show that the bloom off this particular rose is fading and the petals are rapidly falling off. This last is evidenced by the results of the off-year elections in New Jersey and New York.
Now I’m not saying that President Obama is a space lizard ready to pop us in the oven for a quick snack. Far from it. I do wonder, however, about Pelosi and Reid – they’re the scary ones…
Friday’s Funnies?
Ran across this while browsing around the Internet.
It’s interesting what we call news, and where our interests lie. It’s also no surprise that we’ve let Congress get away with as much as they have over the years. Perhaps this video illustrates how and why we, the American people, have let this happen.
What do you think?
A Modern Parable
Unabashedly stolen from The People’s Cube in the Comments Section.
The Parable of the Loafing Fisherman
Obama the Father had two sons, Joe Plumber and Hugh Henrietta. Joe saveth his meager dough and bought a hut in the cheap section of the village so he would not have to give all his silver coins to the moneychangers. But Hugh fell for the siren song of the real estate agent of Satan and bought the King’s summer palace even though he made not much from his craft as a twig salesman. Many weeks later, Joe sat happily in his hut drinking grog and watching the goat (there was no TV then) but Hugh was beset by moneychangers demanding more change and less hope.
Hugh went to Obama the Father and spake, "I’m really in deep shit, those moneychangers want to repo my digs." Obama the Father replied, "I will help you by TARPing the moneychangers and making them accept the same payment as your brother Joe pays for his hut." Hugh was pleased but Joe stank with outrage: "Why didst thou bail out my spendthrift brother but giveth not a dime to me? I was the responsible one!" Obama the Father replied, "Fool, you had the same chance to buy a summer palace but chose not to take it! To punish your short sightedness, I will tax your grog and your goat to pay for your brother’s TARP. Be gone, now!"
And so it came to pass that Joe pissed away much of his grog paying for his brother’s TARP while his brother lived happily ever after until 6 months later when he was run over by an ox cart while trying to buy drugs.
The moral of this story: under socialism, you’re only as smart as your stupidest neighbor.
“The problem with socialism is that eventually you run out of other people’s money.” – Margaret Thatcher
Government Car Warranty Repair
A couple of weeks ago, President Obama went out of his way to reassure new car owners that should GM or Chrysler declare bankruptcy, the government would guarantee the warranties on the vehicles. While the intent was admirable, the effect was less than desirable – people stayed away from buying cars.
Perhaps they were thinking along the lines of the following scenario:
Scene: Car owner pushes a Buick to a Government authorized repair facility.
GM Technician: Welcome to the Obama Auto Repair Center! How can I help you?
Car Owner: Whew, my engine fell out a few miles down the road and this car is only a year old! I’m glad it’s under warranty (produces warranty)
GM Technician: I see, hmm, are you sure you need an engine?
Car owner: What?!?! How can you say that!? I want an engine put in my car now!
GM Technician: No need to be rude sir,.. (Types on a portable laptop)…well! The only reports of engines falling out from GM cars are from owners who have a Chevy. So far, no reports of engines falling out of Buicks. It must have been something you did!
Car Owner: But..but how can you say that? My car is a Buick and the Chevy model of the same type has had reports of it’s engine falling out!
GM Technician: Yes, and if your car was a Chevy, we would fix it for free!
Car Owner: Well, how much will it cost me to fix it?
GM Technician: Thirty thousand!
Car Owner: Thirty Thousand!?!? I could buy a new car for that!
GM Technician: And don’t think we wouldn’t like that, but you should just opt for the repair – otherwise, you need to pay the 50% sales tax.
Car Owner: (Sigh) Ok, just repair it.
GM Technician: Ok! Say, would you like to put a Chevy motor in it? They are the same car you know!
Hat tip to JobSchmob.com.
The Importance of Exercise
As some of you know, my wife and I work out two to three times a week (she does more than that, I’m ashamed to say). She has lost over 30 pounds, and I have lost around 20, and we are maintaining our “ideal” weight. So when we get something like the below in an email, we have to share.
- Walking 20 minutes can add to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $7000 per month.
- My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60.. Now he’s 97 years old … and we haven’t a clue where he is.
- I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
- The only reason I would take up walking is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
- I have to walk early in the morning, before my brain figures out what I’m doing.
- I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. I haven’t lost a pound. Apparently you have to actually go there.
- Every time I hear the dirty word ‘exercise’, I wash my mouth out with chocolate.
- The advantage of exercising every day is so when you die, they’ll say, “Well, he looks good, doesn’t he.”
- If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.
- I know I got a lot of exercise the last few years, just getting over the hill was enough.
- We all get heavier as we get older, because there’s a lot more information in our skulls. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
- Every time I start thinking too much about how I look, I just find a Happy Hour and by the time I leave, I look just fine.
You could run this over to your friends, but just e-mail it to them.
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